Saturday I decided I could no longer live with dirty peach colored wallpaper in my kitchen so I set about removing it. I became so involved in this ceaseless toil that I completely forgot the significance of Aug 16. Elvis Presley died twenty-six years on the afternoon of Aug 16, 1977. Observing this date gives us pause, not only to mourn his passing, but also to reflect on the cultural impact Elvis had on our culture and society. It also means nonstop Elvis movies on TV. Sunday night, exhausted from trying to dissolve copious amounts of wallpaper paste with painfully hot steam, I collapsed in front of the television with a deliciously cold Martini to watch Blue Hawaii, one of my favorite Elvis movies. It’s been awhile since I’ve sat and watched an Elvis movie and I forgot how completely inane these movies are. Now, don’t get my wrong, I think that’s part of their charm but I still found it difficult to sit through the banal dialogue and feeble attempts at plot development until the next music scene. It’s very much like watching a porno. No one wants to see Elvis act. We want to fast forward through all that crap to the good parts, the singing and dancing. Elvis looks especially sexy in Blue Hawaii as well so I was very keen on watching him dance in his little white shorts. This turned me on. Then there followed a scene where Elvis had a conversation with someone about something and I lost my buzz. Oh well, I only had to wait another ten minutes or so for the dancing and singing orgy to begin again.
Elvis movies were only a momentary diversion from the real focus of my weekend, wallpaper removal. If you’re contemplating hanging wallpaper in any part of your house, please give it as much consideration as you would getting a tattoo because it is infinitely more difficult to remove than it is to apply. At least that’s been my experience. You may be one of those lucky do-it-yourselfers who just squirt the wall a couple of times with hot water and the paper comes off in sheets. I could only be so lucky. We went to Lowe’s Friday night to view our wallpaper removal options and settled on a gallon of paste dissolver, a tool to score the paper, and an impressive looking heavy duty scraper with a big razor blade attached to it (total cost $25.00). This didn’t do shit. I perforated the paper with the scorer per directions. I soaked the perforated paper with the solvent per directions. I waited the 15 minutes per directions. And I started to scrape per directions. Nothing happened. The paper wouldn’t even tear. I scraped harder and succeeded in removing not only the wallpaper but also the paint and first layer of drywall, revealing the gypsum underneath. Not good. Considering I had wallpaper to remove not only in the kitchen but in the dining room, entry way and hallway as well, I decided to just invest in the $50.00 wallpaper steamer and sent Larry back to Lowe’s. The steamer was a definite improvement on the solvent but its still a pain in the ass. The only way I could get the steam to penetrate through the paper to the glue was to peel off the decorative layer revealing the paper backing and then steam this until it was a sodden heaping mass of pulp that I then scraped off in big sticky gobs that got everywhere. Even this technique managed to take off the drywall in places, leaving big patches that will need to be plastered and sanded before I can paint. And did I mention the steam is freakin’ hot? I swear I have second-degree burns on my legs from the water dripping off the steam plate and through my pants. I spent two days steaming and scraping in the kitchen and I’m still not finished. We went back to Lowe’s last night to get the supplies for repairing the walls ($25.00). So far I’ve spent $100 on this little project and I’ve haven’t even bought paint. I should’ve just hired a contractor but now its become something of a personal challenge to finish it so I’m determined. The next project, after the walls, is to sand and repaint the cabinets. I’m thinking this will be like a vacation on the beach, sipping big fruity drinks, compared to what I’ve just been through. Home improvement sucks.
Last weekend I went to KC for a Personal Chef convention. I was a bit trepidatious at first. Kansas City? Convention? Sounded kinda boring. I was wrong on both counts. While KC is by no means a mecca of cosmopolitan activity and culture its large enough to support fine museums, restaurants and cultural centers. If you're looking for funky or ecelectic however you're not going to find it here. Situated on the border between Kansas and Missouri its a cross between midwestern conservatism and Wild West boomtown. Inexplicably, KC was one of the birthplaces of jazz and the tourism industry does rely heavily on this fact to boost excitement for the area but it still seems like an overgrown cow town. Kinda like Tulsa. I was there for three nights and I think the three restaurants I ate dinner in sum up the different aspects of KC nicely. Friday, my first night in town, a group of us headed out on foot for Jack Stack's Barbeque House, voted the best place to eat BBQ in KC. Going to KC and not eating BBQ is like going to Boston and not eating chowder or going to Philly and not having a cheesesteak. You just have to do it. Anyways, we start off for Jack Stack's but get lost and end up at a place called The Hereford House. Steaks are also a big deal in KC. In the 1800's, almost all cattle was driven to the KC stockyards for sale and slaughter. Leave it to me to go to a steakhouse in Steakhouse Central and not order beef but I just couldn't pay $20.00 for a 10 oz. hunk of beef I knew I wouldn't finish. I got a chicken sandwich instead. If you're into big hunks of beef I guess you would probably love The Hereford House but I don't think I'll go back. The next night the same group of us set off for Jack Stack's again and this time we found it. This was a vast improvement over The Hereford House even though they both specialize in essentially the same cuisine - big hunks of beef. Housed in a renovated brick railyard warehouse, Jack's seemed much more authentic than The Hereford House. This time I did order beef, Burnt Ends to be specific. Burnt Ends refer to the narrow tip of a packer trimmed brisket that has been smoked for 12 to 14 hours. Larry and I have smoked quite a few of these briskets and the crunchy intensly smoky almost carbonized end is my favorite part. If the steak joints recall KC's Wild West past, the passion for BBQ speaks to the cities history as a riverboat town. The Missouri River runs through the middle of town and I suspect that's what brought jazz and BBQ to the region through the barge trade with Mississippi ports. The third night we ate at Lidia's. Although I've never seen her show, Lidia is a celebrated tv chef on PBS. She also owns some very popular restaurants in NYC. Why KC was blessed with one of her restaurants I have no idea and I don't care. The food was fantastic. Northern Italian cuisine. We told our waiter we were all personal chef's and he took us on a tour of their private herb garden, wine cellar and kitchen. We got to meet the executive chef and see how they make their fresh pasta. It was all very interesting but now I know for sure that I would never want to work in a restaurant kitchen. Hot and chaotic are the first words that come to mind. Lidia's was by far the best. I would eat there again in a heartbeat. Overall, KC was very enjoyable and I want to take Larry back for a getaway weekend and to see some things I missed. I still want to post about the convention itself but I'll save that for later. Gotta go paint my kitchen.