I’m thinking of changing my blog title to that. At least it fits this blog.
I’ve decided I should blog more often. And not just for Sean’s sake. I find John’s willingness to expose his grievances and share his emotions brave and endearing. I strive to become likewise more open. It’s risky though. If some people knew what I really feel on a daily basis, their opinion of me will likely decline. It’s not that I have hateful feelings for anyone who will probably read this but my complaints are often so petty and self absorbed that I’m often quite ashamed of myself for having them. I guess I need to view this more as a personal (but public) journal and less of an open letter to my friends. One should never edit themselves in a journal and I shouldn’t do so here, or at least not so much. I still wouldn’t want to intentionally hurt anyone’s feelings.
John’s most recent blog about staying connected with family and friends got me thinking. I am guilty of every neglect John described. I sometimes feel bad for not making more of an effort to be involved in anyone’s life besides my own but the reality is, I don’t really think about it. So I guess that makes me “thoughtless”. I have a hard enough time remembering my husband’s birthday, let alone my nieces’, nephew’s, or friends’ children. I’m not a phone person, or even much of an email person, so that makes it that much more difficult for me to stay in touch with people I don’t physically see on a regular basis. In my lame defense, I’ll say what I say to my sister and mother and Diane when they complain I never call. “You don’t call me either.” Yes, I know that’s a stupid, lame and childish response but that’s the situation. The fact is, despite my best intentions, and even deep longings, to have meaningful and close relationships with my friends and family, I’m just not capable of making a sustained effort. I’m doomed to lead a narrow, insular and ultimately lonely life. Communication is not my strong point.
General Update
Ok, now that the bitchy whiny portion of this blog has concluded I’ll get on with the good stuff. The long weekend was mostly relaxing with a little bit of work thrown in. We spent all day Sunday cleaning the house and doing laundry. Monday we went over to Tony and Trina’s house to help them with some home improvement projects. Tony and Trina live about 40 miles from us, out on the lake. We’ve found the quickest way to their house is down a series of gravel county roads with names like Wild Cat Hill and Mud Creek Road. Last weekend we got stuck behind a cattle drive on Mud Creek Road. This was the real deal. About thirty head of cattle and six guys on horseback keeping them all in line. Where is the freakin’ digital camera when you need it? The scene was perfect. Gentle rolling hills, young calves scampering next to their mama’s, cowboys with cute butts in tight jeans. Yes, it was very scenic! We followed them for a few miles until they split the herd to let us pass. But that was last weekend. This weekend we helped the T’s plant about 400 bulbs and shrubs in their new flower beds. I then made us all a dinner of Maple Chipotle Glazed Salmon with Corn and Black Bean Salad. We ate it al fresco on the utterly stunning flagstone patio Trina and I built last weekend. That’s right. The GIRLS lifted those heavy stones and placed them in the patio. The boys were inside, in the A/C, building an iguana cage. In all fairness, Tony and Trina did most of the work before we got there, laying out the railroad ties and filling the patio with sand. I do want it noted however that I spent several hours (and several beers) lifting and arranging those stones with Trina to get the effect just right. We did a damn good job.
I’m leaving tomorrow for California. I hate flying. Thank God for my Ipod and a new book. It’s Cold Mountain but I haven’t seen the movie yet so I should enjoy it. My layover in Denver is only 45 minutes so I don’t think I’ll have enough time to visit the airport bar. Bummer. I really enjoy airport bars. Diane is picking my up in Sacramento and I’ll be staying with her Friday night for certain and after that I’m not sure where I’ll be. Just the way I like it.